Blerg. Life is so odd. I feel like there was some major, unidentified shift in my world in the last six months. Everything is off kilter, with no way of returning to the way things were, in terms of my thinking, my way of relating to friends, the way I think about work, etc. It is not bad. In fact I know it is a good thing overall and probably a major spiritual gift, but my internal tectonic plates do not match up anymore and I am not sure how to navigate my own mental/physical landscape anymore.

I know that a couple friends are wondering why I am so unavailable these days. But I feel like I can’t go back to playing the normal game of talking/thinking about superficial things, and discussing the new fuckwit so and so is dating, or what to wear to next week’s party. And no, I don’t want to go to that party. Would rather be by myself. Unfortunately, these two friends live in my same apartment building, so it is challenging to avoid them (makes me feel like a bitch, but oh well). Oddly enough, this is not depression or antisocial behavior, which is strange.  I have had plenty of experience with both, and this feels quite different.

Getting so philosophical, I know. But I feel like I have been playing a placid game of Monopoly with the world for a decade, then one morning I woke up and the world around me was still playing that same game of Monopoly, but suddenly I was engaged in a wild game of high stakes poker, betting all my chips on a single hand, and wondering why the hell I can’t relate to all these Monopoly people any more. Make sense?

I feel full of this strange energy that reminds me of anger, but it is not anger. Totally new. It’s like a jiggly combination of:

• Defiance
• I dare you
• Fuck it
• Giddy freedom
• Why the hell not???
• Just do it fer cryin’ out loud
• Fed up with the old way, ready for …And now for something completely different…
• Am I really who they think I am?
• Sick of  play-acting with everyone to keep the peace
• Tired of the roles you keep telling me that I should play. So I’m not gonna. KTHXBAI.

Hah! Just typing that list cracks me up and makes me feel better. It’s all good, it’s all fine, it’s where I am supposed to be. But I have to accept that my moving forward is likely going to piss off some folks very close to me, and I may lose their friendship. That fear has kept me in check for years, but shit, what has it gotten me? Just more fear, and more of a small life framed by resentment.

Thanks for listening.

Chapter one:

I walk down the street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I’m lost. I’m helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter two:

I walk down the same street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in this same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter three:

I walk down the same street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in. It’s a habit. But my eyes are open. It is my fault and I get out immediately.

Chapter four:

I walk down the same street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter five:

I try walking down a different street.

This makes me crazy. Not the weight gain, per se, although that pisses me off in an exhausted sort of way (again? really? fuuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkk.). It is more that I did not think that I could slide back this far, and just fling myself wholeheatedly into eating all sorts of crap, ignoring the quiet messages from my body, and generally ignoring all that I know works.

And to complicate things, I will likely need to get on a plane to Miami in a few months for a work trip, and that is a BIG problem. Pun intended, of course. I have not traveled in so many years, as it is a misery for me. I am so wide through the lower half, and the seats are so narrow. Being so tall, my knees are jammed against the seat in front of me the whole time, which hurts like hell, and I can’t move. Now I have an injured, operated-on knee that will not tolerate that, and the airlines that had widened their seats slightly have all returned to itty bitty ones for $ purposes. Plus, the airlines don’t let you stand around in the back of the plane reading a book as I used to do to relieve my knees (I might be a terrorist, of course). And my new company is not able to spring for a first class ticket. Fuck.

So there’s all that, and the fact that I just want to be able to travel for myself! I have gone nowhere, and am getting sick of it. One more reason I need to be narrower: to start living my actual life before I am decrepit. If this were not an issue, I could take a quick trip before I start the new job, because once I do, I will not able to travel till I build up some vacation days.

Another reason I need to lose weight quickly is that that same knee cannot endure the extra weight. It just makes everything worse, and it is already a big problem. Plus, I don’t wanna be huge! Can you tell that I am mad and frustrated???? If I could, I would go to some swanky spa in Arizona where I do yoga and swim and meditate and they fix me healthy meals. Skinny heaven, I know.  and yes, pipe dream, I know. Key words are “fix me.”

So you see what I have been thinking about, and I know that it is familiar territory for all of us. Way too familiar.

But today I found myself thinking that I would follow some eating plan (i.e., DIET) for awhile to drop my weight back down. Jump start things. Nothing extreme, but the usual protein, clean carbs, veggies, fruit. The point is not the food, as I am not considering some extreme liquid diet or the all-grapefruit diet, etc. The point is that I would be doing very controlled eating with a specific goal in mind, and that can trigger bad stuff, because, well, it is dieting to my mind.

My body just feels icky lately, in general, which is not surprising with the bad eating going on for so long now. In the last couple weeks I have made efforts to return to Geneen-style eating, and I get through about 2/3 of a day successfully, then am back to bad habits.

I don’t understand this sort of thing, because I generally feel happy! My life is good right now. The stress of no job has been lifted, and I now have this period of time to work on my own stuff and take things a bit easier before I start the new job. I feel good, and yet the eating is a mess. And do I want to sit down and do some writing into it to see what comes up? HELL NO. I kind of have a “fuck off” attitude and I don’t know why.

I guess that I am looking for feedback here, because it is hard for me to filter rational thoughts from my mental noise and the irrational need to fix things and get quick results. I will find a way to do a writing inquiry within the next couple days. But what are people’s thoughts on the dieting thing with the specific goal of losing weight? It goes against Geneen’s stuff, I know. But I also feel there are health reasons here that I have to address sooner rather than later, or else I will be looking at knee issues and high blood sugar counts again, which scares me half to death, and rightfully so.

I just feel like I have lost my perspective. And it took a long time to gain that great, big picture perspective, so this disturbs me.

So pitch in here, ladies, and throw your opinion into the fray. Me spending most of my time alone is a bad thing (maybe part of the problem?), and so your input would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance for your help and guidance! I value it greatly, as I know y’all have many of the same loopy brain patterns that I do, and can understand the crazy thoughts.

The good news on my end is that I have a new job, though it won’t start till April, and it is for almost half of what I was making before. BUT, and these are big things that make a huge difference, I will be getting paid to learn what I needed to learn for my own business ventures anyway, and I will be working with a company and president that I really, really like. The office is not far from my house, I will work 6-7 hours a day, and people brings their dogs to the office (love that!), and I will have an impressive title that will help me with whatever my next moves are in the future (Director of Marketing). I will actually be the entire marketing department, but future employers do not need to know that!

For the last six weeks I have been doing some consulting work for these same folks, which is good. The company is part of my old company (the folks who laid me off). They firm had two distinct divisions, and the CEO sold one division to the guy that had been running it. That guy is my new boss, and he is very laid back and we are like-minded with business and design. They do qualitative research for ad agencies and companies (focus groups, interviews, etc), and they have these stunning studios in San Francisco that people rent out, right upstairs from Prada! Check them out here. He always liked the work that I did handling his design projects, and he basically created this new position for me (which is part of why they cannot pay me much for the first year-it was never in the budget). In this market, I am just thankful to get expenses covered, and have a job that does not suck a million hours of time and energy.

I have also been trying to finish up writing an ebook before the new job starts, so that I can get the marketing going for that and launch it before I am working every day. It is about using all sorts of online tools to establish your web persona, so that you attract the attention of recruiters and employers, or you can use it to establish credibility before starting a new business, going after venture capital, or just trying to get more clients for your small business. Most people are so haphazard with their online presence, and they rarely think about the fact that the first thing many prospective employers/clients do now is  Google their name. Then up comes your myspace pages with photos of you passed out drunk at parties (that actually happened to a recruiter..needless to say, she canceled the interview). Anyway, it is a project that should help out a lot of people who really need to get jobs and are trying to find a way to make themselves stand out from the pack.

So this post is for catching people up on what I have been doing. Next one is where I get into my icky headspace…  I know y’all can’t wait!  Good times.

so i have been hearing again and again about the book Broken Open. I finally bought it and I believe it is going to be such a yummy read for me right now. Would love to chat with you gals that are reading or have read it. I saw that Oprah has a webcast that you can download with Elizabeth Lesser speaking about spirituality.

I was trying to get through the Power of Now…seeming to have the toughest time! Maybe after this book …I will be broken open to reading it.

Aren’t we all at least a bit scared right now due to the perilous state of the economy unless we have already reached a state of enlightenment? The honesty and humor Geneen brings to this life-altering experience is impressive. I did not post this link to start a bunch of gossip about her tragedy. Her message in this article is potent: all we ever really have in good or bad economic times are the riches of this moment. Geneen leaves us with powerful truths about the hungry ghost realm we can get into so easily. She reminds us that freedom lies in wanting EXACTLY what you have instead of what you don’t have.

And her reflection reminded me that we STILL live in an incredibly abundant country, world, universe.  In this moment I am safe, warm, well-loved, and sooo much more nourished on all levels than I have ever been in my life. I am determined to stay grounded and open-hearted as the world keeps on spinning as it will.

In love and light to all you beautiful lights out there,

italiana1981 (daniela)

Also…that my 2009 resolutions are so much different than those of years before!!! I am commiting myself to having more fun…laughing more both of life and of myself when needed and enjoying MYSELF…and my husband and kids fully!!!

Last year I remember I wrote some numbers on a small piece of paper…drop xyz pounds and abc body fat %!!! BAD,BAD,BAD!!!

WELL…I wanted to get in contact with you because I am going to make the effort to writr,write, write about what I feel…this was working wonders for me just after the retreat and began to stop working as soon as I left myself and stopped writing and also began OVEREATING…

I know that when I don’t leave myself it all falls into place and I feel wonderful and eating becomes a source of real pleasure in my life but I really need you guys…so I will be posting frequently to keep myself on track!!!

I send you all lots of hugs and wish you well and if there is anything you need please don’t hessitate and tell me, write or whatever…

Love

Cakey

I decided to start with breakfast, because this meal sets the tone for the rest of the day.

This is how I usually talk myself out of following the eating guidelines: “I am too hungry and busy right now to follow the eating guidelines. I am going to go in the kitchen now and start munching on whatever looks good to me while preparing breakfast, and then finish breakfast while checking my e-mail because I am too busy to just eat while eating.”

I am taking the power back and throwing out the too hungry and too busy excuses. I thought that I would finally give myself permission to sit down and eat my meals if I was not working in an office 8 hours a day. It turns out how I eat is definitely how I do everything! I want everything done before it is done. When my relationship with food is peaceful my whole life becomes more peaceful. I can choose to sit on the couch with my laptop and a view of the television while I eat breakfast and lunch, or of course I can eat in my other favorite place: the car.

Lately I have been choosing to eat at my dining room table where I have a lovely view of a giant redwood tree and the mountains in peace. I am usually alone at breakfast and lunch, so these are perfect opportunities for eating meditation. The peacefulness from practicing the eating guidelines at just 1 or 2 meals a day is filtering into all areas of my life. I gave someone a cooking lesson yesterday and we made 2 sweet snacks/desserts. I did not have any crazy cravings for them! This is a miracle.

I am continuing to do the Presence Process which I wrote about on my Birthday post. It is helping me learn how to do the inquiry process that we did on Geneen’s retreat. Someone who had been on the retreat with Geneen several times had shared that this retreat was the first time she really got what doing inquiry was all about. This comment made me think I was not really ‘getting’ how to do inquiry. I realized I have been trying to inquire with my thinking mind, my ego. Now I am letting my mind relax when I ask myself what the sources of my anxiety, shame, and fear are that I use food to numb. Instead of expecting immediate answers to pop up in my consciousness and then getting mad when they don’t, I am experimenting with letting the answers come when I least expect it: while driving, after taking a relaxing nap, etc. And it is working. I am beginning to unravel the emotions and beliefs that are the causes of my suffering. It is a radical shift for me to really focus on the eating guidelines and do deep emotional integration work instead of hyper-focusing on just diet, exercise, and meditation.

My biggest way I sabotage myself when I start making internal shifts is getting too busy. I need to have time to be still and inquire into what is going on with me because I get emotionally triggered so frequently, and I will end up eating compulsively BEFORE I can get in touch with what is triggering unless I am letting myself live at a calm pace and keeping things SIMPLE.

It is all about food and totally not about food at the same time. I will write about that on my next post!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox to all of you

Cakey

Oprah & Friends on Sirius XM Radio
Lesser takes your questions on this special call-in show.

Wednesday, January 14
The Oprah Winfrey Show
Lesser discusses her book Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow.

Oprah.com
Oprah hosts a 2-hour webinar with callers Skyping in to speak with Lesser, Rev. Beckwith, and Rev. Bacon.

Over the past few months however,whenever I’ve been put in a social environment that I normally would be feeling pretty nervous about, I AM CALM………. and happy, and in tune with what’s going on, and interacting with everyone there, am taking time to be present and just soak in the atmosphere, and am not feeling like EVERYONE IS BETTER THAN ME.

We had a party here last night with some of our oldest friends and I was able to look at them and really appreciate each individual person for their beauty or style, or character, and let me tell you…there was a lot of character in that room! We had a lot of fun and not once did I feel inferior. I didn’t realize that when I started working on myself, not only would I see me differently, but I get to see everyone around me a little clearer as well. It feels like such a gift to be able to not worry about what anyone thinks or does. My house is getting ready to renovations, so it was not showing the best, I have no doors on my kitchen cupboards and my living room has become the storage room until the new floors are laid, but everything was clean, there was lots of food and drink, and everyone had a great time. And I didn’t care if everything wasn’t perfect, so I guess I didn’t care if I wasn’t perfect.

AMAZING! I was just reading Nocommongirl’s entry and thinking about why I drink and then I was thinking about Cakey’s entries about her feelings of not being good enough and feeling insecure about that, and everything just tumbled into place. And it’s not that I’ve suddenly told myself that I’m no longer insecure or self-conscious. I’m just not anymore, well maybe a little yet, but overall, it feels like it’s not a problem right now.

I still have get back on track with the eating guidelines. Over Christmas, I found it harder and harder to stick to them, but, hey, I’m not beating myself up about it, and I’m not VOWING TO start a diet or go to the gym. Just like you, nocommongirl, I’m finding something I like so I can move, and I’m getting back to eating when I’m hungry and what does my body want to eat.

I joined up to run 10K this April in the Vancouver Sun Run. I ran it for the first time 2 years ago and because I am NOT a runner, it was a true accomplishment. So I start training this month and just want to beat my last time of 1.5 hours – told you I was not a runner! I want to do it in 1.15 hours. There’s more than 50,000 people running or walking the route in downtown Vancouver and there’s bands playing along the way, it’s all very festive and for a good cause as well. So this week I’m buying a new pair of running shoes and a cute running jacket and will listen to Stella’s tunes on my IPod while I train.

Wish me luck….Janice

In a word, I was outraged!! ;D

Now some of you readers may not drink much or at all so this may be difficult to relate to without thinking I’m an alcoholic as soon as you read the word ‘problematic’. But I am a child of my time: the stereotype happy social drinker who likes to party hard and won’t typically say no to ‘just one more’. I’m part of the ‘masses’ in this aspect, especially in this city I live in, and the circles I go out in. Or have been anyway.

In my work with LighterLife which is a VLCD diet + councelling program over here, the diet part consisted of absence not only from food but also from alcohol, so in the course of the program I went several months completely without alcohol, and had to face the effect it was having on me when I started on ‘normal’ foodstuffs again.

It’s been very interesting, to say the least. Very revealing.

The giving up of drinking was not difficult at all. Scary as a thought – would I become a social pariah? – but not difficult. After making excuses for a week I got used to the not drinking and so did everyone around me!! So all good there.

During the not-drinking period, I often wondered whether I actually wanted to drink again, ever. It was fascinating to think this thought, because what happens of course when you are NOT using drink as part of the toolkit for numbing yourself, you are forced to face yourself at all times. And I found it possible to finally see, think about and change some of my behaviour and responses to situations. For me, I had to face the fact that when I drink, I tend to binge. Some people drink to repress feelings, but I guess for me the previously repressed feelings start coming to the surface when I drink, so I repress them by bingeing.

So you can see it was like I had found a solution for bingeing at last: just don’t drink!! WELL. That, of course, turned out just another one of those self-delusive thoughts that don’t really solve anything.

Because what happened then was that I was in fact STILL NOT FEELING. I just thought I was because I wasn’t numbing myself with both food and drink. So I THOUGHT I was being present and feeling things, and dealing with stuff.

But I wasn’t. Not to the extent that would have fixed (there’s the word…) anything.

So effectively I had to keep on working on myself. And I did. And I haven’t given up drinking altogether. And I know that it can trigger bingeing, and sometimes it still does. Other times I am able to eat something sensible and be done with it.

I don’t like it, but: there are no quick fixes. I guess we are all feeling it this winter.

I decided I would enjoy the fire on my own, with a nice glass of wine in hand, if anyone wanted to join me, that was up to them. Somehow I got into my head to have some more wine, and then some more. I purposely and willfully got myself drunk, I think in order to just not care any more about anything. Going from food to booze…..not too smart, eh?!

The next morning we had a full day to prepare for, my whole side of the family would be getting together for a turkey meal and present exchange at my Dad’s house. Of course I wasn’t feeling too great, but not as bad as I thought I would feel. Drank lots of coffee and got on with the day. I never got a chance to talk about what happened and why, which I know is a big problem for me. I internalize, then act out, then internalize again…over and over.

What I know for sure is…..I know what I need in order to have a fulfilling relationship with someone else and I’ve asked for those needs to be met and they still don’t get met. Even though I think I’m pretty down to earth and easy to please, after studying the book, “The Five Love Languages”, I’m really very high maintenance. I had three different types of love messages score equally high…..words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time. Most people have just one come in higher than the rest. The other two are Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts.

My husband is constantly giving me Acts of Service. He feels if he’s working in the shop, preparing a workspace so he can then start work on our new floors, I should be totally happy and want him to be able to spend even more time working on them. The book says that however you see someone else giving you love, that’s more than likely the type of love they would want for themselves. How can you do Acts of Service to someone that totally takes care of himself, by himself? and food doesn’t cut it, he will go without food all day just get something done on time. Food is only fuel, not an experience.

If anyone of you have heard of the infamous Dr. Laura, she wrote a book on “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” the premise being that if you take super care of your spouse, making him feel like he’s the most important person in your life, he will naturally return the love and respect and your marriage will improve greatly. I tried that for a while, and all it did was give him the permission to spend more time doing things that kept him from home, because he felt I FINALLY understood him!!!!! So I screwed myself up with that advice.

So I pretend in my mind that I am a person living alone, and create a life for myself that doesn’t depend on him, and get comforted with food that is always willing to spend quality time with me, and now more recently, a large glass of good red wine. No wonder I feel so sad at times.

I know this whole post probably sounds pretty redundant, I feel like I’m complaining, but I really this site to just start writing and sift through what’s going on inside of me.

Recently I’ve been starting to think of doing more meditation and reflection work by going away for a few days at a time to a place like Mt. Madonna, but closer so it’s not too costly and maybe I can go more often. I’ve been reading your posts on how to meditate and can relate. I’ve fallen asleep meditating or just can’t seem to get settled when I try it while at home. I’ve order the Broken Open book, it should be here sometime this week.

It sure helps to know that all of you are struggling with emotions and life, exactly because we’re not going to settle for mediocre any longer, but it’s SO HARD. Why can’t we just go with the flow and settle? For me, it because I want to be able to say at the end of my life, I HAVE NO REGRETS. Thanks for letting me be so self-indulgent

Love to you all….Janice

http://www.101cookbooks.com/

I hope you are having a great Holiday. I have been reading many of your posts and comments regarding meditation and I was wondering if you wouldnt mind letting me know how I can get started. Unlike you who embraced meditiation at the retreat- I was so drawn to the dancing and was very antsy during meditation.

I know that I need meditation in my life…would appreciate any insights.

thanks Juice

I wanted to pass along this web site I found for therapists and holistic health counselors that are trained to deal with emotional, binge, and compulsive eating.
Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves, me included!
We do need support and if this path is of interest to you…I wanted to share this resource:

http://www.edreferral.com/

Luv Juicy

I am going to start what is called the “Presence Process” tonight, the night before my birthday. The Presence Process is outlined in a book by Michael Brown, a South-African born musical journalist who came down with an incredibly painful neurlogical condition that spurred him to undertake an intensive healing journey. His journey led him to the discovery of a integrative process of becoming present to our lives NOW. It is integrative in that it teaches us how to become emotionally, mentally, and physically present. His pretense is that any attempt at growth that neglects all these three aspects will fail

I am writing this post about the Presence Process because in this book Brown describes all of our healing quests that led us to the retreat in November. Brown details the attempts of someone who is overweight (could be written about an underweight person too) or addicted to using food to self-medicate. We usually begin our healing journey by going the physical route and changing our eating and/or exercise habits; or we go the quite extreme route and have bariatric surgery or jaw-wiring. We might have quick success depending on how extreme or mesaures were. But, we still hate ourselves as our emotional & mental patterns did not change. So we might go the positive thinking route and teach ourselves new behaviors & thought patterns. But we still hate ourselves! Because we have not done what Geneen is teaching people to do: heal the emotional root of our eating issues that cause the negative thought patterns so we can live in the NOW instead of living in constant stress of worrying about the past and the future.

He emphasizes this integrative approach that goes to the emotional root of our emotional eating issues takes time. We of the quick fix culture resist this! Geneen’s approach is a lifetime of work. But life is too short to not do it I tell to that part of me(ego) that says, “no need to try to grow, everything is fine, you are not suffering, stay safe!”

I make a living teaching people new food/lifestyle behaviors. But I live in fear of this emotional beast inside that responds to specific emotional triggers by overeating or eating things that make me feel like s*!#! I totally anesthetize myself with food, but since I am committed to not gaining back the 60 lbs I lost for the 2nd time almost 4 years ago–I have been living life as this emotional raw nerve in between my emotional eating experiences. I work very hard at keeping my body looking a certain way so I can look good. Because I think that that will make me finally feel GOOD inside. It has not! Yes, it is nice being able to shop in stores with small clothing sizes. But my heart still bleeds and it will continue to until I

I am FINALLY ready to stop the insanity. I know this will be a long process. But the process has already begun inside of me long before the retreat. I have simply chosen to be a active versus resistant participant in the process. Brown says you aren’t supposed to actively try to stop any of your addictive behaviors (unless they are heroine or heavy drinking), but let the process work its magic on you. However, you are supposed to be sober when you engage in the practices. Being a sugar addict, I am really going to be mindful about staying away from sugar during the process.

This year will be the end of my “maidenhood.” I will be married June 20 in Saratoga, California surrounded by a grove of redwood trees and my closest friends and family. Yes, I finally made a decision and it feels so right. I want to be a Present woman when I get married. I want to be Present wife and mother.

I love you all and hope to post more in the upcoming weeks. The Presence Process in a 11 week process that you repeat as many times as you like, so I will keep checkin’ in and let you all know how it goes.

Love and peace to all of you my sistas!

Chapter 1: Law of Attraction: I attract to my life whatever I give attention, energy, and focus to, whether positive or negative

so …

1. Observe what you receive and have in your life whether positive or negative
2. While observing you are sending a vibration whether positive or negative
3. The Law of Attraction responds to the vibration you are sending
4. As a rule, you get more of what you are vibrating

This section really caught my eye—

When you hear yourself make a statement containing the words dont, not, or no you are actually giving attention and energy to the things that you dont want so ask yourself:

So what do I want ??

Here is my list–wanted to share with my sisters:
1. I want to be healthy and feel sexy
2. I want to be optimistic and joyful
3. I want be proud of myself and happy for others
4. I want to be surrounded by friends that love me as I am, understand me, and care about me
5. I want to live in a place where I feel comfortable, have space and can enjoy the things that I love
6. I want to feel creative, innovative, and respected
7. I want to feel an endless flow of love and support
8. I want to feel appreciated, cared for and feel like I belong
9. I want to feed my body only when I am hungry
10. I want to be in relationship that is loving and nurturing
11. I want to finish tasks timely and give myself room to feel on top of the world
12. I want my money to feel in abundance and peaceful in my finances
13. I want my environment to feel tranquil, organized and clean
14. I want to feel polished, beautiful, radiant, and put together
15. I want the things that I want in my life to come with a sense of ease, peace and abundance
16. I want to be in a job and career that I love
17. I want to make time and space in my life for the things that I love to do and the life I want to live
18. I want to feel empowered and confident
19. I want to love and enjoy every day being present
20. I want to feel grateful for what I have and believe that my dreams can come true

Looking forward to seeing your lists……!

Lots of Love,
Annie